How to Recover From Autism Parent Burnout
- Patty Laushman
- May 5, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Nov 12
Parenting is hard. Parenting neurodivergent kids (even once they are adults) who don't fit the boxes society imposes is so much harder. And it doesn't end when they turn 18!
As much as we love our teen and adult kids and would do literally anything for them, the chronic stress of parenting neurodivergent offspring has been compared in some cases to the stress of combat soldiers. Autism parent burnout is a constant threat.
Breakdowns in your ability to respond to demands are inevitable. When this happens, you need a military-grade self-care toolbox because if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will -- and then you can't help anyone else.
Quick Summary
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How to Prevent or Escape Autism Parent Burnout
1. Schedule an appointment with a therapist
Sometimes we just need someone to listen deeply without interruption to get out of our heads and into a different perspective. Obviously, if you are experiencing high levels of anxiety or depression, a therapist should be your first stop.
Try to find someone who understands neurodivergence because there is a night-and-day difference in the effectiveness. This is not a standard part of therapist training, so you have to ask.
2. Reinforce boundaries around non-essential activities
Repeat after me: "No." When you're out of emotional bandwidth, the last thing you need to do is spend time on activities that suck up more bandwidth. Doom-scrolling social media, researching new resources for your adult child, or scheduling their next dentist appointment are all things that can be temporarily paused.
If feelings of guilt arise when you say no, remember that you can't take care of anyone else if you're not operating with your oxygen mask on in a crisis.
3. Burn off your anxious energy
Go for a walk. Go for a run. Get out in nature. Swimming. Biking. Do whatever sounds like the least amount of work and the most amount of fun. There is no substitute for exercise when you're feeling burned out.
If you can't get started, slap on your shoes and walk for just 10 minutes outside. Leave your phone at home and become aware of your surroundings. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? This will ground your mind and help you recharge.
If vigorous exercise is not your thing, try other activities like yoga or even cleaning the house with a little more intensity.
4. Take a quick mental break
Find a place you can avoid interruption for 15 minutes. This might mean closing your office door, locking yourself in the bedroom, or my favorite, sitting in my car in the garage where no one will look for me.
Now spend some time doing something that leaves you feeling uplifted. Do a quick meditation using a meditation app or a YouTube video. Lean into your faith. Read an inspiring book or search for inspirational quotes online. Recite some affirmations. Whatever you do, make sure to breathe!
5. Lean on others who "get it"
Finding others who understand can be tricky when parenting unique kids, especially once they become emerging adults. So many people don't get it and leave us feeling misunderstood or judged, even within our own families.
Spend time, if possible, just having fun with other adults who support you over coffee or a quick lunch. Do whatever it takes to connect with your partner.
6. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can't
When in the throes of burnout, you may feel hopeless and helpless, but it's important to remember the one thing you have control over, and that is your reactions to everything.
Instead of focusing on the things you can't do or haven't accomplished yet, you can shift toward a sense of agency by shifting your focus.
What small thing can you do right now that moves you in the direction you want to go, something so easy you can't fail if you try? Now do it. Or schedule it. Next, pick one more small thing, maybe something you can do for someone else. This helps shift your focus to a broader perspective. Wash, rinse, repeat.
7. Hire an autism parent coach
A parent coach who understands neurodivergent teens and adults can be a game-changer. They can validate that all your complex emotions are valid. Someone skilled will be able to help you connect with your adult child, learn to talk with them in ways that don't trigger defensiveness, and coach them toward success.
Thrive Autism Coaching has two options for you. We have expert private parent coaching with coaches certified in Patty Laushman's SBN™ parenting framework, which is designed to help autistic emerging adults optimize their self-sufficiency. You can contact us to schedule a complimentary consultation to discuss your situation and explore whether we are a fit to work together.
For parents wanting to work with Patty directly, we have the Parenting for Independence group coaching program, which launches twice a year. You can learn more and get on the waitlist here.
Key Takeaways
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FAQs About Autism Parent Burnout
What is autism parent burnout?
It’s a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by the ongoing demands of supporting a neurodivergent child or adult. It often includes fatigue, irritability, hopelessness, and feeling detached.
How do I know if I’m experiencing burnout?
Common signs include sleep issues, loss of motivation, trouble focusing, frequent overwhelm, or feeling numb. If these symptoms persist, it’s important to reach out for professional help.
What’s the difference between burnout and depression?
Burnout is typically stress-related and may improve with rest and lifestyle changes. Depression can persist even after rest and often requires therapy or medical treatment. A licensed therapist can help determine which applies.
Can a parent coach replace therapy?
No. A parent coach focuses on education, communication strategies, and problem-solving within your family dynamics. A therapist focuses on mental health treatment. Many parents benefit from both.
What makes Thrive Autism Coaching different?
All of our parent coaches are trained in the SBN™ (Support, Boundaries, Nudges) parenting framework, developed by Patty Laushman to help parents foster independence and connection in autistic emerging adults. The approach is compassionate, practical, and neurodiversity-affirming.
If you’re running on empty, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t have to stay this way. Book a complimentary consultation with Thrive Autism Coaching today to get the personalized support you need to recover from burnout and rebuild your energy, hope, and connection with your autistic teen or adult child.
About the Author
Patty Laushman is the founder and head coach of Thrive Autism Coaching. An expert in the transition to adulthood for autistic emerging adults, she coaches parents in applying her SBN™ parenting framework to strengthen relationships and foster self-sufficiency. Patty’s work is rooted in a neurodiversity-affirming, strengths-based approach that empowers both parents and autistic adults to thrive. She is also the author of the groundbreaking book, Parenting for Independence: Overcoming Failure to Launch in Autistic Emerging Adults.
More Resources
The Burden and Psychological Distress of Family Caregivers of Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Gender Approach; Journal of Clinical Medicine, 2024
Caregiver Burden Among Caregivers of Children with ASD; National Library of Medicine, 2023
